Saturday, April 16, 2011

Just a cute story,,,,,

Greetings!

Yesterday Frank's brother-in-law sent me an email with a cute story in it.  It was funny, I laughed until my side hurt and tears were rolling down my cheeks.  I thought I would share it with you today.  Its raining and not much going on here today.  I am going to slice and season some meat for beef jerky today.  Frank loves jerky and I have been wanting to try this for a while.  I made jerky before but its been a long time.  So that along with muddling in the kitchen is my goals for today.  I hope you enjoy the story as much as I did.

Judas Asparagus

      This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.

      I wonder how often we take for granted that children  understand
 what we are teaching???

      A  child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.


      Through the eyes of a child:

      The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

      In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was   nothing
but God, darkness, and some gas.  The Bible says,   'The Lord thy God is
one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

      Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

      Then God made the world.

      He split the Adam and made Eve.  Adam and Eve were naked,   but they
weren't  embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been   invented yet.

      Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were
driven  from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in
though, because they didn't have cars.

      Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long   as he
was Abel.

      Pretty soon all of the early people died   off, except for
 Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

      One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy,   but
one of his kids was kind of a Ham.  Noah built a   large boat and put his
family and some animals on it. He asked   some  other people to join him,
but they said they would   have to take a rain check.

      After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  Jacob was more   famous
than his  brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his   birthmark in exchange
for some pot roast..  Jacob had a son   named Joseph who wore a really loud
sports coat.

      Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was   Charlton
Heston.   Moses led the Israe Lights out of  Egypt   and away from the evil
Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on   Pharaoh's  people.  These plagues
included frogs, mice, lice,   bowels, and no  cable.

        God fed the Israel Lights every day   wit h manicotti.  Then he
gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke,
dance, or covet your   neighbor's  stuff.

      Oh, yeah, I just  thought of one more:   Humor thy father and  thy
 mother.

      One of Moses'  best helpers was Joshua who was the first   Bible guy
to use spies.  Joshua fought the battle of Geritol  and   the fence fell
over on the town.

      After Joshua came David..  He got to be king by killing a   giant
with a slingshot.  He had a son named Solomon who had   about 300 wives and
 500 porcupines.  My teacher says he was wise,   but  that doesn't sound
very wise to  me.

      After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.  One of
these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then   barfed up on
the shore.

      There were also  some minor league   prophets, but I guess  we don't
have to worry about them.

      After the Old Testament came the New Testament.  Jesus is the   star
of The New.  He was born in  Bethlehem  in    a barn.    (I wish I had been
born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to  me, 'Close the door!
Were you born in a barn?' It would   be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact,
 I  was.')

      During His life,   Jesus had many arguments with sinners like   the
 Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had  twelve opossumes.

      The worst one  was Judas Asparagus.  Judas was so evil that they
named  a terrible vegetable after  him.

      Jesus was a  great man.  He healed many leopards and even   preached
to some Germans on the  Mount.

      But  the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial   before
Pontius the Pilot.  Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus.  He just washed his
hands  instead.

      Anyways, Jesus  died for our sins, then came back to life again.  He
went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.  His return
is foretold in the book of Revolution.


Hahaha  oh my goodness, out of the mouths of babes!!!

Until next time,,,,,,,Blessings!!!

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